In the course of less than three decades, Amazon has blossomed from a simple online bookseller to one of the most successful and powerful companies in the twenty-first century. The Founder and CEO Jeff Bezos has grown resoundingly that critics, overseas regulators, and Washington politicians are all now in a dilemma and in a state of frustration whether the company has become a huge force to recon, and what, if anything is capable of reining in its reach. A previous spat with Sen. Bernie Sanders (D-VT) gave a for tens of thousands of employees' minimum wages, but Amazon still runs largely without any meaningful checks on its so-called huge power even as it moves aggressively to conquer other areas of business such as physical retail, the smart home, and warehouse and aviation robotics. Yet although having an influence in a vast number of different industries, consumers in essence still trust Amazon with all things from their personal information and buying habits to the conv...
1. Hold your peace. (JAMES 1:19)
2. Ask yourself the question: "What i am going to say or do will it resolve the conflict?"
3. Do not take things personal.
4. Treat the issue as a separate entity. ( See the issue from a third person view).
5. Play the role of an ally to the opponent.
1) Hold your peace.
The bible says in James 1:19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.Many at times we regret the things we said while we were angry and fuming, but then we cannot take our words back. We are driven by the eagerness to become the dominant figure in the argument, hence we are bound to utter piecing words.
Lets try humility for a change.
2) What i am going to say or do will it resolve the conflict?
This is an important question to ask yourself in order to stay in line with what you want to achieve. Many at times we want to present ourselves as the ones who are right, and this is a problem because the other party also thinks the same.
For that reason the argument results in a stale mate. If then the gist of the matter is to resolve the conflict we ought to approach the matter from a different angle. We have to do things in a new way. In order to achieve that we have to change our philosophy on certain things.
Changing a philosophy is very hard, but it is worth it in order to live in harmony with people around us, without putting our peace and happiness at risk.
"Whatsoever i will do or say will that i resolve the conflict without hurting the feelings of the other person and mine."
3) Do not take things personal
This is the best thing that you can do for yourself in order to avoid wasting your energy on fruitless arguments. Buddy! you need that energy for other important things.
For example you will agree with me that after a boiling argument, you might lose your appetite for food, Why? You have wasted your precious energy in a futile argument. As a result the energy to eat vanishes. Its important therefore to channel your energy on things you love and those that contribute to your growth and peace.
What does this statement really me (Do not take things personal)
Its a wise decision to learn to understand that the way a person relates to another is a subject of the philosophies they have accumulated. These are accumulated throughout life as we interact with the world. The dominant philosophies come from as far while we were kids.
The secret of not taking things personal is understanding that if you grew under the same environment as the other person, same genome and all, you will react the same way as they do
The same goes with comprehending that if the other person in question, under the same conditions (like all things being equal) with a different opponent, they will react the same way, as they did to you, hence they not specifically targeting you. The fact is that specific set of conditions makes us react the way we do.
It is therefore significant not to take things personal.
4) Treat the issue as a separate entity
When we are involved in an argument, because of the high levels of emotions, our judgement tend to be impaired. As a result we are not able to make reasonable decisions.
Its vital therefore to try and make use of our imagination by pulling ourselves out and seeing things as a third person. In that way we are able to get a view from a different perspective, which may result in better decision making.
In addition we ought to try and see things from the opponent's perspective.
In this regard we will see things for what they are, not worse than they are. (A quote from Tony Robbins' video)
To make use of this tool, ask yourself this question
"If I was someone what advice would i give myself in this situation?).
5) Play the role of an ally to the opponent
After you have done all and you were not successful in cooling down the conflict, this is the fire extinguisher you need.
First we have to agree that everyone thinks they are right and it might take World War 2 to convince them otherwise.
They is a simple way to end an argument without any 'military intervention'. You only need to agree or support the actions of the opponent, and fully admit that you are wrong. (Even if you think you are not). Make sure you sincere and you really sorry for the misunderstanding.
In doing that you shift the perspective of the other person, and eventually they might realize where they missed it, and then try to balance the conversation. In essence people tend to say the opposite of what the other say in an argument, hence this tool has high levels of success.
Lets take for example if you broke someone' s water glass. You might view this as a minor issue and try to brush it off when you are confronted.
When that person realizes that you are taking the matter likely while its big to them, they might get more agitated.
Our common response is to say sorry and justify that we didn't do it on purpose. If the other person is not satisfied about th response they will continue nagging till it creates a heated argument.
You might be tempted to say "I will buy you a new one" because of the pressure that you will be receiving. But the other person might not necessarily want a new cup. They want to communicate that you have destroyed something of value to them. Unless they feel you fully understand that they will remain angry.
So what is the best way to respond?
You have to vividly and extravagantly express how wrong and sorry you are. If you do that they will put down their tools and possibly sympathize with you.
For instance you can say "I am very sorry i broke your glass. I know how valuable it is to you. I would have reacted the same way you did if i was in your shoes. I was very careless that i broke this valuable water glass. Please forgive me for my carelessness."
If you find this helpful, please post in the comments section on what you think will be their response when you say those words.
This article was inspired by Tony Robbins' s video enticled "Habits for a better relationship"
and the book by Dale Carnegie "How to make friends and influence people". I recommend these resources to everyone who wants to create better relations with people around them.
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